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Motherhood. {Charlotte Family Photography}


May 1, 2013

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Hi, I'm Amy.


Charlotte Family Photography
Being a mother is literally waking up each day to something new.  I learned very early on (probably not early enough…I could have saved some tears) that you lose control a little more each day that you have children.  One day you are woken up six times over night, the next none, and the NEXT ten times.  There is no rhyme or reason to the world of motherhood.  Your three year-old loves pizza on Wednesday, yet refuses to look at it on Friday.  I think I’ve heard somewhere that if tested, most toddlers would qualify for a bi-polar diagnoses.  Why am I writing all of this down?  Well, because it’s the truth…and because it isn’t the part of motherhood that scares me the most.

The scariest part of motherhood is that you LOVE those little mongrels.  That they very much hold your heart in their tiny, dirty little hands.  It’s not always easy living with them, but it is so much easier than living without them.  Do you see that boy in the picture?  I can remember the way his head smelled when we brought him home from the hospital three and a half years ago.  Honestly.  But I can’t stop time.  I can’t keep him from growing up and making mistakes and getting hurt.  His future is unwritten and I have no control over it.  Motherhood is an exercise in losing control.  Letting go.

Charlotte Family Photography

It seems less obvious to me right now that the same is happening with my daughter, but I know it is only a matter of time before her chubby little cheeks and thighs noticeably thin and her baby talk turns into non-stop chatter and questions.  Her hair will grow longer and her speech will improve, all very positive milestones in her life.  But with each day my baby, most likely my last baby, turns into a little girl…and is one step closer to becoming a woman.  That scares me.  What if we don’t have the relationship that I dream we will have?  What if we don’t enjoy spending long phone conversations or frivolous shopping sprees?  What if…

So this wasn’t meant to be a sad commentary about motherhood.  It really is the best thing that I’ve  ever experienced.  But motherhood isn’t just difficult in the traditional “dirty diapers and lack of sleep” sense of the word.  Motherhood challenges you to let go of a piece of yourself a little more each and every day…and to let that piece grow on its own.

Charlotte Family Photography

I’m not the only one that has an opinion on motherhood today!  Take a look at my friend Heidi’s blog over at Maehill Studios to see what she has to say 🙂

  1. […] The first of the month means it is blog circle time again. I met an amazing group of ladies online over at a Clickin Moms WordPress workshop. They organized a blog circle. Every month, we will publish posts about a theme. In our posts, we link to another member of the blog circle. For the month of May, the theme is motherhood. I link to Amy Files Kolozdiej this month so be sure to drop by her post here. […]

  2. stefanie says:

    love this, amy! if only we could stop or at least slow time. sigh.

  3. Julie M says:

    Amy – I love your post! I can totally relate, my children are 4 and 7 and are starting to be more independent yet they still need me for comforting and lots of hugs and kisses. I know the time will come when they will be more independent and have less of a need for hugs and kisses. You’ve captured the bittersweetness of it all beautifully. Love your two B&W photos – very fitting with what you’ve written.

  4. Nadeen says:

    You are absolutely right! Letting go is so bittersweet. I love your words and beautiful photographs!

  5. Heidi Howard says:

    Amy, you have broken me. all this rings so true and it breaks my heart to let my kids grow into themselves and lose the pieces of yesterday. yet, the future holds so much promise, for them as young adults, parents themselves. very nicely done. Bravo!

  6. Cam says:

    Awww! So true. I admire you for letting go. I won’t let my daughter go to the mall by herself until she’s twenty. lol!

  7. Brigette says:

    Amy, your post puts into words what I think about all the time. Especially with Eva. Boys are easier, imo. Girls are so hard! Especially when they grow up. Just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure shopping sprees, mani/pedis, drinks and a movie nights will happen. Love this post!

  8. Emily Morgalis says:

    Beautiful sentiment and beautiful images!

  9. This cracked me up “if tested, most toddlers would qualify for a bi-polar diagnoses” !! Cherish every moment with those little mongrels – gorgeous write up about giving up a piece of yourself and the vulnerability of motherhood!

  10. Angie says:

    Such a sweet post. I loved your photographs this month!

  11. Mary Beth says:

    Great post Amy… love, love that first image. So simple and so perfect.

  12. So true Amy – Motherhood is an exercise in loosing control! – It’s amazing how these little beings can change your life…and to think that this is exactly how our mothers must have felt!! :)…btw, I love the first image so much!

  13. Erika says:

    Amy this was so touching. Tears again. I share the same fears. It is so comforting to know that we mamas are not alone in this journey. Your images are so beautiful and moving. I love the one of your baby girl sleeping. Whenever my kids make for a LONG day and later they are sleeping peacefully and you think, that wasn’t terrible. And you feel bad for getting so frustrated while they lay there all sweet and dreaming.

  14. Kimberly walla says:

    Oh Amy – I love this! Isn’t that the truth about letting go…. they don’t need held as much, they can eat by themselves, they can get themselves dressed… My son starts kindergarten next year, and I think it will be harder on me. Oh gosh here come the tears. Great post Amy and the photos are just gorgeous!

  15. carol says:

    They grow so fast! I can totally remember that baby smell! Beautiful post!

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